Actwise Summary - The Alchemist by Ben Johnson

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Actwise Summary - The Alchemist by Ben Johnson

The cast

The three crooks 

SUBTLE, the alchemist
FACE, the Housekeeper
DOL COMMON, their Colleague

The dupes, the customers

DAPPER, a Lawyer’s Clerk
DRUGGER, a Tobacco Man
SIR EPICURE MAMMON, a Knight
PERTINAX SURLY, a Gamester
TRIBULATION WHOLESOME, a Pastor of Amsterdam
ANANIAS, a Deacon there
KASTRIL, the angry Boy
DAME PLIANT, his Sister, a Widow.

The absent master

LOVEWIT, Master of the House

  Act 1

Scene 1:

        The three thieves stumble onto the stage in the middle of a fight. Face and Subtle are insulting each other, and Doll is trying to get them to stop. Face says he saved Subtle from starvation when he found him on the street in rags looking like "the father of hunger." Subtle says he set up the scam that made Face rich. 

        The verbal energy of the abuse is energising, and it reminds us that formal contests of abuse were a recognised type of literature in the Middle Ages and the Renaissance. This type of writing was called flyting. They argue until Doll takes Face's sword and "breaks Subtle's glass," calling them a "abominable pair of stinkards" and reminding them that they are all equal partners in the "venture tripartite." When Subtle again says he is the main character as the fake alchemist, Doll is so angry that she flies at him and tries to strangle him until he gives up and runs away.

        When they finally can't talk to each other anymore, Doll tells them they have to work together because someone is at the door.

Scene 2:  

        Dapper, a "quodling," or innocent young man, walks in. He has been talking to Face in a pub, and Face has told Dapper that he knows a man who can call up a spirit to help him (Dapper) win at gambling. (The name Dapper seemed familiar, and it turned out to be the name of a character in Middleton's play The Roaring Girl.) Face acts like he knows a lot about Subtle and that he is almost too careful with his alchemy. He then introduces Dapper with a sly sense of humour as:

        FACE:Good deeds, sir… ‘Slight, I bring you

        No cheating Clim o’ the Cloughs or Claribels,

        That look as big as five-and-fifty, and flush;

        And spit out secrets like hot custard,

        Nor any melancholic under-scribe,

        Shall tell the vicar; but a special gentle,

        That is the heir to forty marks a year,

        Consorts with the small poets of the time,

        Is the sole hope of his old grandmother;

        That knows the law, and writes you six fair hands,

        Is a fine clerk, and has his cyphering perfect.

        Will take his oath o’ the Greek Testament,

        If need be, in his pocket; and can court

        His mistress out of Ovid.

        The play's lively language and the characters' joy are contagious and interesting. Face and Subtle work well together to trick Dapper into thinking he was born under a lucky star and is even related to the Queen of Fairy. They trick him into giving them four angels (Jacobean coins) by saying that Face has to force them on Subtle. Subtle then warns Face that if they give Dapper this power, he will ruin every gambler in the city and win all of his bets. Face then tells Subtle to come back at 1 to perform the full and complicated ceremony that will give him a familiar or lucky spirit.

Scene 3 

        Next comes Abel Drugger, a not-very-smart pharmacist who is about to open a new shop and has come to ask the alchemist for advice on how to set it up and where to put the doors, windows, and shelves. Subtle uses modern knowledge about faces and hands (each of which has its own spirit of teaching) to fool the simple man.

        Subtle tells Drugger that if he does what he says, the apothecary will become the most popular one in London. As a down payment, they take a gold coin called a "portague." He also wants Subtle to look at his almanack and tell him which days are good for trading and which ones are not.

        When Drugger leaves, Face says again what he said at the beginning of the play: that Subtle thinks of himself as the master of these cons, but it takes a lot of time, effort, and money to find and hook such stupid fools and bring them to him, so Face should get a bigger cut of the money. This is the main point of their disagreement.

Scene 4 

         A short one in which Doll runs to tell Subtle that she saw Sir Epicure Mammon waddling towards them from the end of the lane. This gives Subtle the chance to tell Mammon that today is the day that Subtle is supposed to give Mammon The Philosopher's Stone, and that Mammon is already dreaming of wandering around London giving miracle cures to lepers, beggars, and infertile women.

Act 2

Scene 1: 

        Sir Epicure Mammon pulls up in front of the house and gives a great speech to his sceptic follower, Surly, about all the amazing things he will do once he has the Philosopher's Stone, like turning any metal into gold and bringing old men back to life. He then takes Surly on a fantastical tour of the ancient world to show how every myth, from Jason to Pandora, is just a reflection of the stone's power. Surly doesn’t believe a word.

Scene 2:

        Face comes out of the house dressed as a man who pumps bellows to keep a fire going. He acts like he is working hard to keep the fire going so that the stone can be made. Mammon calls him "Puff" and "Lungs" and says he will set him free from his master so he can come and watch over his harem. Mammon wants to build a large harem and give himself magical powers of stamina and a strong back so he can make love to 50 women a night! He will have to geld Face, of course. Face gives a wise nod to all of this. Mammon's words are full of all kinds of sensual pleasures.

We will be brave, Puffe, now we have the med’cine.
My meat shall all come in, in Indian shells,
Dishes of agat set in gold, and studded
With emeralds, sapphires, hyacinths, and rubies.
The tongues of carps, dormice, and camels’ heels,
Boil’d in the spirit of sol, and dissolv’d pearl,
Apicius’ diet, ‘gainst the epilepsy:
And I will eat these broths with spoons of amber,
Headed with diamond and carbuncle.
My foot-boy shall eat pheasants, calver’d salmons,
Knots, godwits, lampreys: I myself will have
The beards of barbels served, instead of sallads;
Oil’d mushrooms; and the swelling unctuous paps
Of a fat pregnant sow, newly cut off,
Drest with an exquisite, and poignant sauce;
For which, I’ll say unto my cook, “There’s gold,
Go forth, and be a knight.

        Surly says that whoever makes the Philosopher's Stone must be pure and never been married. Yes, says Mammon, but I'm not going to make it, I'm going to buy it. As the beginning of the play says, this is a play about money, greed, and how people will do or believe anything to get rich.

Scene 3 

        Enter Subtle. The funny thing about this scene is that Subtle acts like he is incredibly good-hearted and pure, and he acts like he hears hints and slip-ups in Mammon's speech that he is greedy and covetous. In response, Mammon gets angry and says that he will only use the stone to do good things.

MAMMON: No, I assure you,
I shall employ it all in pious uses,
Founding of colleges and grammar schools,
Marrying young virgins, building hospitals,
And now and then a church.

        Surly watches with a deep sense of doubt that grows as he listens. Face and Subtle have a long, jargon-filled conversation about the many pipes, retorts, alembics, and burners (later called "Receivers, pelicans, bolt-heads") bubbling away in their lab. From this conversation, it becomes clear that something is wrong and they need more money.

        "You don't say," says Surly, who smells a rat. Mammon, on the other hand, is eager to give Subtle another nine or ten pounds of gold, and Subtle launches into a huge theoretical defence of alchemy, including an explanation of how gold naturally forms in the bowels of the earth, but he knows how to speed up this natural process. He then gives a long explanation of why the art needs such arcane terms. 

        They tell Mammon to bring all of the iron in his house, including his andirons and spit jacks, so that it can be made into gold. Most likely, the thieves want to sell it for cash.

        As part of their plan to trick the gullible and self-deceiving Mammon, they bring Doll onstage for a short time before Subtle tells Face angrily to take her away. Mammon, the sensualist, gets excited when he sees a beautiful woman, even if it's just for a minute. He asks about her, and Face tells him that Doll is a noblewoman and a rare scholar who went crazy after reading the works of a famous alchemist named Hugh Broughton.

        Hooked, Mammon gives Face money if Face will talk about and praise Mammon to her. (Mammon's talk about being a second Solomon and walking around naked with his harem is meant to contrast with the fact that he pays Face to meet up with a prostitute.) This Doll episode makes Surly think that Subtle is a fake and that this house is full of dirty people.

        Face pulls Surly aside and asks him to meet Captain Face at a pub later that day. This is done to make the plot more complicated. At this point, we realise that Face is really trying to look like the bellows-man "Lungs."

Scene 4 

       Face tells the other characters that his goal is to win over the sceptical Surly. They tell Doll that she has to act like a grand lady for Mammon, but she says not to worry because she knows all the tricks.

Scene 5: 

       Here comes another gull or mark or victim, a Puritan named Ananias. To be more specific, he is an Anabaptist, a heretical Protestant sect that started in Germany in the 1530s but whose members were forced to leave the country. In history, the area of Blackfriars (between St. Paul's Cathedral and the river) was known for its Puritans, Jonson lived there for a while, and it's where we think this play was first performed, so it was very relevant to the people who saw it for the first time.

        Subtle talks to him in a different, more religious way, and when Ananias gets upset by Subtle's use of "heathenish" alchemical terms, he gets Face to give an impressive explanation of alchemical terms and ideas. Ananias is:

        Please you, a servant of the exiled brethren,

        That deal with widows’ and with orphans’ goods,

        And make a just account unto the saints

       A deacon sent from the Tribulation Wholesome, which has a funny name. His followers hope that Subtle will also make them a philosopher's stone, but when he asks for more money, he says that they've already given him thirty pounds of materials. Subtle finds out the man's name is Ananias and pretends to be upset that the Elders sent him a man with the same name as the high priest in the gospel story who sentenced Jesus to death.

Scene 6:

        Here comes the pharmacist, Drugger. Subtle comes up with a sign for his new shop that plays on his name. They charge him more money for it. A drug dealer says that he is in love with a young widow in his area. He then says that she has a brother who just turned 21 and got an inheritance worth $3,000 a year. Subtle and Face see a chance and tell Drugger that they will try to get her to like them. He gives them more money and leaves, at which point they insult him and say they will win the woman and her inheritance for one of them.

Act 3

Scene 1: 

        A conversation between Ananias and Tribulation Wholesome, the leader of the Anabaptists, in which Tribulation explains that: 1) Subtle may not be the heathen Ananias thinks he is; maybe he is dirty because he works with fire (later, Face calls him "black boy," so he must have a dirty face); and 2) the Hampton Court Conference excommunicated and banned many non-conforming ministers from preaching. They want to use the philosopher's stone to make gold so they can pay off secular magistrates to let their "silenced" brothers preach again.

Scene 2 

        Something subtle brings them together. He listens to Wholesome and makes him big promises about what he will be able to do with the philosopher's stone, like cure and heal people and gain power and influence in the real world (whenever Ananias chips in, Subtle turns on him and scolds him)

        Subtle gives a long list of the strange, affected, and secretly hypocritical things that people thought the Puritans did. He says that if they have the philosopher's stone, they won't have to do these things anymore. Wholesome and Ananias nod in agreement, and the audience laughs hysterically at the Puritans' obvious hypocrisy. Subtle convinces them to give another 100 marks so that he can buy alchemy tools.

Scene 3 

        Face comes in as a captain to tell Subtle that he's mad that Surly didn't show up at the Temple church where they were supposed to meet. The good news is that "a noble Count, a Don of Spain," who is rich, is on his way to court "our Dol." How can he tell? While he was waiting for Surly, someone gave him a message... I wonder if it's Surly in a disguise, trying to catch them being con artists.

Scene 4 

        Dapper arrives. He is waiting for the Fairy Queen to come. Face has to open the door to Dapper before Doll can go change. Face tells him that when Drugger comes to London with Kastril, the brother of the widow he talked about earlier, the Fairy Queen will make him the best gambler in the city.

        Kastril is a well-known type: he is a rude, brash young man who has come to town to learn how to swear, fight, and smoke like the other "roaring boys." At the same time, he is endearingly naive and innocent, because he won't go to a pub because he has heard that people gamble there.

        Face then tells him crazy stories about how Subtle has made poor young men rich beyond their wildest dreams. This makes Kastril so crazy that he runs off to get his sister, who is now a widow. Face then sent Drugger to get the piece of damask cloth he had promised.

        Face is now left alone with Dapper. They told Dapper to wash with vinegar before meeting the Fairy Queen, so he did. He also bought "six score Edward shillings," an old Harry's sovereign, three James shillings, and an Elizabeth groat. We wish our money was as interesting as this.

Scene 5: 

        Subtle comes in dressed as a fairy priest and makes sure Dapper has done all the right things. They blindfold him and make him throw away all his valuables (purse, rings), then they dance around him pretending to be fairies and making him throw away all his valuables.

        They haven't even shown Doll dressed as the Fairy Queen yet when Sir Epicure Mammon's servant hisses through the window. Oh no, that ripped it! As he knocks on the door, Face has to run over and say through it that he needs to get Subtle out of the way so Mammon can talk to Doll, so go for a few turns up and down the street... Then he quickly changes into the clothes he wears as "Lungs."

        Then, while Dapper is blindfolded, Subtle and Face tell him that the Fairy Queen is eating and will see him soon. They make things up as they go along and decide that he can be muzzled with gingerbread and hidden in the toilet. They tell him that everything is scented and ready for him, but that the smell is a bit strong. As soon as they locked Dapper in the toilet, Face ran to the front door to let Mammon in.

Act 4

Scene 1

         In a funny scene, Mammon, the over-the-top sensualist, woos Doll by listing all of her good qualities and beautiful features while Face watches and comments, knowing that Doll is just a common prostitute. When she says that his ability to make money is a threat to the government, Mammon paints a fantastic picture of them moving to a free, fantasy country where they will live in unimaginable luxury.

We’ll therefore go withal, my girl, and live
In a free state, where we will eat our mullets,
Soused in high-country wines, sup pheasants’ eggs,
And have our cockles boil’d in silver shells;
Our shrimps to swim again, as when they liv’d,
In a rare butter made of dolphins’ milk,
Whose cream does look like opals; and with these
Delicate meats set ourselves high for pleasure,
And take us down again, and then renew
Our youth and strength with drinking the elixir,
And so enjoy a perpetuity
Of life and lust!

        Face comes in to tell Mammon to be quieter and go inside because he is getting too loud. Mammon and Doll leave. 

Scene 2: 

        Make room for Kastril, the country heir who wants to be a city gallant, and Dame Pliant, his shy sister who is a widow. When Kastril starts to argue, Subtle stops him to play the role of a teacher and show him how to argue. He then turns to the widow and flatters her, telling her she was made to be kissed and then kissing her. He looks at the lines in her hand and tells her that she will marry a soldier.

        At that moment, Face walked in wearing his Captain uniform. He praised both Kastril and Dame Pliant, which made them happy, but he also got to tell Subtle that the Spanish Don had arrived. They quickly come up with a plan: Subtle will take Kastril and Pliant to his rooms, where he will teach them how to fight and show them a magic mirror while Face talks to the Don.

Scene 3 

        Subtle has taken the two of them to his room, and when he comes back, he gets into a fight with Face. The scene shows how, even as they are juggling their victims quickly, the two are competitive and quick to notice if one is getting ahead of the other. When Dame Pliant shows up, it makes things worse because now both men want to win her and are jealous of any advantage the other gets... But they agree on a plan and greet the Don together.

        This Spanish Don is actually Mammon's sceptical friend Surly, who is dressed in a funny, over-the-top Spanish costume with a huge ruff. Face says, "He speaks from a fortification." Once the Don starts speaking Spanish, Face and Subtle, at first nervously and then with more and more confidence, insult and abuse him right in front of him in English, sure that he can't understand. This is a common but still very funny comic device. But he can, of course.

        But then they realise they have a big problem: the Don has come to see the beautiful senorita (Doll), as he had promised, but Doll is inside with Mammon. And the Don can't wait any longer. Face has a thought. What about Dame Pliant, the widow who just showed up with Kastril? Why not give Dame Pliant to the Don so that he can have a woman and she can have a great knight, and they can both pay our thieves?

        This makes Face and Subtle fight a lot because they both wanted the widow for themselves. But the Don is getting impatient, so they have to make a quick deal, and Face goes to get the widow.

Scene 4: 

        Kastril and Dame Pliant walk in, and they all try to persuade her to let the Don court her. Face and Subtle compete to paint the most grandiose picture of her wealth and status if she marries him, with a coach, horses, and nice clothes, but if she doesn't, she'll be a street vendor in a year. Her brother also picks on her, so she goes over to the Don, who keeps talking to her in Spanish, even though she doesn't want to. They go out into the garden, and Subtle tells Kastril that they should now go to his room so that he can start learning how to argue and fight like a proper Londoner.

Scene 5: 

        Doll and I go to Mammon. Now, you might have thought she was trying to seduce him for his money, but she is just playing the part of an intelligent, educated woman who has been driven crazy by learning. When Face enters the room (having quickly changed his disguise to "Lungs"), he finds Doll obsessively talking about Egyptian history and the fifth monarchy while Mammon is at his wits' end trying to get her to stop. Face and he talk at the same time as Doll's speech, and then they all run away when they hear Subtle coming.

        All except Mammon, who tries to hide from Subtle and is found. Subtle steps right into the role of the pure and spiritual alchemist who is upset to find that his favourite son is doing something dirty in a dark corner. Subtle says in a big way that it's not surprising that the alchemy in the lab isn't going well if Mammon has brought spiritual dirt into the house.

        THE GREAT CRASH – Inside, there is a loud crack, and Face runs in to say that everything has exploded: "Retorts, receivers, pelicans, and bolt-heads" are all gone, as if a bolt from heaven had hit them. Subtle passes out, and when he comes to, he blames Mammon's unfaithfulness and licentiousness for the great destruction. Mammon believes him!

MAMMON: O, my voluptuous mind! I am justly punish’d.
FACE. And so am I, sir.
MAMMON: Cast from all my hopes—
FACE. Nay, certainties, sir.
MAMMON: By mine own base affections.

        Face tells him that the brother of the upset noblewoman (i.e. Doll) is coming. He will be angry if he finds out that Mammon is courting his sister, so he should leave quickly. Is there nothing Mammon can do to make up for it? Face says, "Give a hundred pounds to the charity box at Bedlam Hospital for the insane," which is a very bold thing to do. Face says he'll send someone to get it later that day. Mammon agrees. Leave money.

        Our two bad people are happy that they have already solved one problem. Now, we'll talk about the Spanish Don and how he woos the widow Pliant.

Scene 6: 

        Dame Pliant is with Surly. He took off his Spanish mask and told her that Subtle and Face are a bunch of thieves. When Subtle walks in, he is rude to the Don because he thinks the Don doesn't speak English. He starts to pick the Don's pockets when Surly throws him to the ground and yells at him in English. "Help! Murder!" screams Subtle in horror. Face walks in and is shocked to find that the Spanish Don is really Surly. Surly then tells Face a long list of all the ways he scams people in pubs. Face gets back in, but when Subtle tries to get him back in, Surly grabs him.

Scene 7 

        Then Face comes back in with Kastril and tells him that Surly is a fake who is trying to seduce his sister under false pretences. Face tells Kastril to try out his new skills at getting into fights on him. Now Face, Subtle, and Kastril are all standing in front of Surly and shouting at him.

        With perfect comic timing, the Puritan Ananias walks in and says, "Peace to the household!" This is a common Puritan greeting. Ananias knows right away that Surley is a Catholic and the Anti-Christ because of his ridiculous Spanish ruffs and sill hat. When Surly sees this wall of opposition, he has to back down and leave. Kastril asks Face and Subtle, in a funny way, if he fights and argues like a pro. They praise him, even though all he did was insult people.

        So Kastril leaves, and now it's Face's turn to deal with Drugger. He tells Drugger that they wanted him to act like a Spanish nobleman so that Dame Pliant would fall in love with him. Does he have a Spanish costume? They send him out to look for one.

        So, only Ananias is left of the bad pair. The joke is that Ananias says that the Elders and Brethren of the Separation (their church) have decided that making money is not against the law (to them; it is, of course, illegal according to the laws of the land). In other words, they have decided it's okay to break the law in a holy and hypocritical way. Subtle is happy to act for them, but she says it can't be at this house; the Brethren must suggest another place. So, Ananias exists, and Face and Subtle are finally alone, except for Dame Pliant, who is inside somewhere being hosted by Doll in the guise of a noblewoman.

        But just then, Doll walks in to tell them that the master of the house has returned. He is outside with forty of his neighbours. Face is the man with a plan, as usual. Subtle will shave him to make him look more like Jeremy, the house servant, who has a smooth face. Face/Jeremy will keep the master away for as long as he can while Subtle and Doll pack all their belongings into a couple of trunks. These trunks will be taken to the river and sent downstream to Ratcliffe, where they can all meet up in a day or two.

Act 5

Scene 1:

      Neighbors gather around the house's owner, Lovewit, and tell him about all the strange comings and goings and how they haven't seen the butler, Jeremy, in at least a month. Lovewit goes to his own door and knocks.

Scene 2 

        To his surprise, Jeremy (Face) opens the door and tells his master with a straight face that he hasn't been home for a month or more. He acts surprised when the neighbours say they've seen so many strange comings and goings. When Lovewit tells stories about the neighbours' constant comings and goings, Jeremy/Face acts like he doesn't know anything about it. And, in a nice bit of satire, the neighbours start to doubt their own stories and downplay them, which makes Lovewit call them changelings because they can't be trusted.

Scene 3: 

        So, things were looking up until Mammon and Surly showed up out of nowhere. Just as Mammon and Surly walk up to the front door, Face pushes Lovewit inside. Surly has told Mammon everything about the trick that was played on him, and Mammon is very angry. When they knock on the door, Face/Jeremy opens it with confidence, says he doesn't know any Captains or alchemists, says they're at the wrong house, and, when they get mad, brings out Lovewit as the real owner of the house, who of course doesn't know anything about them.

        Not long after they gave up, Kastril, the angry boy, came pounding loudly on the door and demanding to see his sister. Then there are Ananias and Tribulation, who are also angry and knock on the door. When Lovewit comes to the door to make them feel better, they decide to get the police and leave.

        Face is still trying to convince Lovewit that these people must be crazy when they hear Dapper crying inside the house. Oops, everyone had forgotten him. Remember how they told him he would meet the Fairy Queen and then Face and Subtle blindfolded and gagged him with gingerbread while they took care of their other guests? So, the gingerbread must have melted or been eaten, because he is now yelling.

        When Subtle tells Dapper to shut up, Face can't help but hiss at them both to be quiet. Truewit finally figures out what's going on and tells Face to tell him the truth. He says over and over that he is a kind and forgiving master. So Face admits that he has been entertaining guests, but he focuses on the fact that there is a rich widow in the house (Dame Pliant) who Lovewit can woo and win if he dresses up as a Spaniard.

Scene 4 

        Surprisingly, the scene cuts to the room where Dapper is, where Subtle comes in and asks what happened to his gag, and where Face joins them. They both tell Dapper that he will get to see the Fairy Queen, and sure enough, Doll comes in dressed as the Queen. Subtle bids Dapper kneel and abase himself and kiss her skirts.

        Doll does a great job playing the Queen. She blesses Dapper and gives him a fly pet to wear around his neck. Subtle tells him to prick his wrist once a week to get blood to feed the fly, and the magic fly will help him win every chance game he plays. Subtle hints that he will give them the first thousand pounds he wins as a fee in a week. Why doesn't he just give away his miserable inheritance of forty marks a year? He asked, "Subtle?" Dapper says, "I will, I will," kisses the Queen's skirt as she walks away, and then runs off to get the legal papers to sign over his inheritance.

        Before he even got out of the room, Drugger was there with the Spanish suit they had asked him for earlier. Subtle gives it to Face, who, I think, runs off to give it to Truewit so that he can get Dame Pliant interested in him. Face is no longer in the way, so Subtle can tell Doll about his plan. Once they've packed up all their treasures and sent them by boat, they'll go west to Brentford instead of to Ratcliffe to get away from Face, who they're both sick of. Doll does agree. She will now go tell Dame Pliant to give the Doctor (i.e., Subtle) her rings and treasures, and then they will leave her and leave the house. A kiss is the final step.

        Face walks in at that exact moment, sees them kissing, tells them Drugger is back with the priest they told him to get, and runs off to fix the problem. Doll and Subtle think he's going to marry Dame Pliant quickly, but he comes back right away. The trunks are packed, and all three of them take stock of all the treasure they stole from their victims. Face locks them up, and then there's a BIG REVEAL:

        Face says that he asked his master to come back, that he told his master everything, and that his master has forgiven him in exchange for the treasure, which is all the loot that the other two were so happy to count just a few seconds ago. Face can only give them a hand over the wall because they have to run away from the police who have been called.

        At what exact moment do the officers loudly knock on the door? Face offers Doll a reference if she needs a job in a brothel, but she tells him to go hang himself. He also tells Subtle to set up as a con man in a different setting, and he'll send him a customer or two for old times' sake. Subtle tells Face that he will hang himself just so he can haunt Face for the rest of his life. They all leave.

Scene 5: 

        The master of the house, Truewit, comes in dressed as a Spaniard, followed by the parson and Face, who asks him if he's married to Pliant. The short answer is yes. Then the knocking gets louder, and Mammon, Surly, Kastril, Ananias, and Tribulation join the police officers in banging on the door. Truewit gives them access.

        They all want to see Face and Subtle. Truewit finally calms them down and tells them that his servant, Jeremy, told him that he rented the house to a Doctor and a Captain for the past month or so. They have now left, and he doesn't know where they went. He lets them all in and tells them to look around the place, which he knows is bad for candle soot and burns but not much else.

        All but the widow, who, he now says, was waiting for a Spanish don to come back. Since the don hasn't come back, he's now married her. Surly tells Truewit how sad he is, and Truewit is amused that he should have waited and been slow and lost his bird because of it.

        Mammon has looked through the house and now says that it is empty, except for his metal goods, which the thieves have hidden in the basement and will give him back. Truewit asks, "But will he?" Is Mammon willing to go to court and tell everyone how he was swindled out of a lot of money? "Oh, then you can keep them," Mammon says.

        Mammon is so angry that he says he is going to rent a farmer's turnip cart and go preach about the end of the world. Surly says he'll join him, but if he ever finds Captain Face... Face says he will gladly tell him if he ever sees him because he looks different now that he has shaved and changed his clothes.

       Ananias and Tribulation come forward and say they will get their things back, but Truewit says no. When they start talking about the Bible, Truewit says he will beat them with a club, and they run away. Drugger is only there for a short time before Truewit scares him away. He doesn't even have time to make a claim.

        It's clear that Truewit is just as much of a crook as his man, Jeremy, in his own posh way. Elizabeth Cook, who is in charge of the New Mermaid edition, says that he is "amorally magnanimous."

        This feeling is even stronger at the end of the play, when Kastril comes in and rudely shoves his sister in front of him. He insults and belittles her for marrying a poor man instead of a knight, which is what he had planned. Truewit steps in and says that Kastril is a real knight. When Kastril starts insulting him, Truewit easily outdoes him and gets him to be friendly. In fact, they agree to smoke a pipe together, and Kastril takes Dame Pliant inside (how many words does she get to say in the whole play? She is just a package that gets passed from person to person.

        It's all over. Truewit stands up and talks to the crowd. He says that no master would be upset if a servant found him a rich widow to marry and trunks full of treasure, even if it's a bit out of line. And the last word goes to Face, who speaks directly to the crowd and asks them to be patient.

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